Imagine being the window that another person looks through in order to see themselves. Not a mirror…a window. Through the window are things not seen before. A view heretofore not known, not able to be known, things that cannot be reconciled, but the shape of reconciliation is there. A promise perhaps of how nothing you do while here can ruin what you actually are. What you are actually are, is on the other side of that window. But you can’t climb through.
Imagine being. Then imagine being that window. You are not the view. Just the window. All you know is that when you settle in, this is what another person, who has settled in, will see. You don’t have to do anything. But from my perspective it is like this…I feel myself as the frame. I feel the pane and the person looking through. I feel what they are seeing. Sometimes all I can feel is them pouring in and out through and into this other space on the other side. Sometimes I can feel them recoil in doubt. But always, even when they don’t necessarily know it themselves, always there is the spark of recognition. They know what they are looking at. It isn’t new to them. But like a glimpse into a future that you know is decades off, you must not proceed too deeply or you will lose the ability to fulfill what you came here to do…the path to that place is rather dependent on only looking for a short while. It just seems to be part of how it works.
And that is what I choose to share today. Being this window, even when I am not doing it, even when I am not offering Silent Darshan…this window is inseparable from my path. I do my utmost to silence the roar of it, and do what I must to dull the calling to just sit in silence and allow people to just look through. When it all comes down to everything, that is it for a path. Be kind to people…raise kids lovingly and spend time with family and be the window for people to look. It is really no different than any other vocation. It is just that in the Western World…there isn’t much call for it. The place for it, the spot where people like this go, isn’t really established.
And in relationship/partnership, yes, it does feel like the primary reason for my life as a single man. One cannot choose based upon looks, good humor, cuteness, sexiness, outdoorsiness, intelligence, how good a mom someone might make. No. Because what this space, this energetic..this “me” does is it simply accelerates everything. It is as if the perspective available breaks down the veil of illusion that holds things together here. And really…we sort of need it to not unfold too quickly. Being with me, in close proximity…makes things unfold quickly. No words necessary. It just is the way it is. Without integration time, 3 days seems to be about the max for most. Unless I am heavily dragging out the personality as a balancing influence. Thus, to be my whole open self, in a sense is to be the wide open window. Wonderful for healing work. Wonderful for helping remind others that yes…God is real…yes, you are not alone. I live with it everyday. For someone who is not wired this way, I honestly can’t see how it would be bearable. And that isn’t any sort of spiritual “power” anyone would want, not really. So, I consciously stay in the personality and keep it toned down when with other socially. Which is a lovely reprieve. I get to feel normal…not different. Such a human journey.
This is what I am here to do/be. Just like we all are here to do/be something. Some essential part of the whole. It’s quite the strange life to be sure. But only for one reason. I am only rare because most others are not here to experience the feeling/sense of how they are what they see through the window. They are here to experience being separate from it and that is their suffering and sharpening stone. I am here to experience being unable to separate myself from it…and that is my suffering and my sharpening stone. And that is the most humbling trade secret of this being human business that I can imagine. Either way, we must love how we are made, in order to know peace. Spirituality matters not, if you do not know true love for your path.
I have more clarity about the next retreat or retreats. Yes, I am sure there will be some talking. But overall, this place just needs a physical space. The window needs a place to just rest and be looked through. So…perhaps a retreat where people just sort of show up at random times, no registration…no sign ups…just show up and hang out. Just looking. And then be in nature for the transition. Then a quiet discussion in the evening. Yep, that sounds about right.
